Dear Family and Friends...
an open letter to the people in our lives
Dear Family & Friends,
You are a big part of our lives, and we're inviting you in to this next leg of our journey. Our kiddo is trans. It's big news. Some people have responded with happy congratulations and some with tears, but everyone has questions.
We trust that you want to show your love and support, but we also know our society has huge knowledge gaps that can make this transition hard or awkward at best. So, we've put together a treasure trove of resources to help you learn and hopefully answer some of your questions.
Thank you for your support and your efforts to join us where we are.
Love,
The Parents of a Truly Amazing Kiddo
What can I do?
Use your loved one's new name and refer to them with their preferred pronouns in conversation.
When you forget or mess up, don't make a big deal of it. "Oops, I meant _____, sorry," and move on.
If you have questions, read through the resources below, try googling, or watch some of the trans content creators who have made excellent videos to help educate allies. You can also ask us (their parents).
Please do not ask our child personal or intrusive questions about their transition.
Ready to learn?
Let's start with some Vocabulary...
Gender - how you identify (feel) inside.
Sex assigned at birth - what your parents/health care providers decided your sex was based on your visible anatomy. For most people, gender and sex assigned at birth are the same. About 1.6% of adults in the US have a gender that is different from their assigned sex, which is about the same as the number of natural redheads.
Transgender - (adjective) describes a gender different from your assigned sex.
Cisgender - (adjective) describes a gender that is the same as your assigned sex.
Sexuality - who you are attracted to (this is not related to your gender).
Transition - making changes to help you live as yourself. This can include social changes like name, pronouns, hair cut and clothes, or medical changes under the advice and care of a team of professionals.
Videos
A Texas doctor explains gender affirming care in a news interview.
Jon Stewart interviews Arkansas Attorney General Leslie Rutledge (excerpt)
Scientific American - How Junk Science is Being Used Against Trans Kids
Trans kids talk about their family experiences.
A complete series for people who want to know more about what it means to be trans created by a trans man.
Why pronouns matter, according to trans students.
How to Refer to Trans People in the Past - Jackson Bird on grammar and etiquette as part of his Trans FAQ series.
Bingeworthy YouTube Channels
Jackson Bird www.youtube.com/@jackisnotabird
Jamie Dodger www.youtube.com/@Jammidodger
Ty Turner www.youtube.com/@TyTurner
Samantha Lux www.youtube.com/@_samanthalux
Kat Blaque www.youtube.com/@KatBlaque
Mathilda Hogberg www.youtube.com/@MathildaHogberg
Equality VA www.youtube.com/user/EqualityVA/
Refinery 29 The Trans 102 Playlist
National Center for Transgender Equality www.youtube.com/@TransEqualityNow
Minus 18 www.youtube.com/@Minus18TV
Celebrities Who took a Deeper Dive into Trans Issues
The War Over Gender - The Problem with Jon Stewart Season 2 Episode 1
Transgender Rights II - [not family appropriate] Last Week Tonight with John Oliver (HBO)
Documentaries
Gender Revolution: A Journey With Katie Couric | Full movie | Disney+ Watch Katie Couric’s special on the transgender community (1hr 32 min):
Transhood (2020) 1hr 32min Follows the journeys of four trans kids and their families
The Trans List - HBO (2016) Transgender Americans tell their stories in their own words.
The Out List - HBO (2013) A documentary about being among the LGBT community in modern society, told through interviews with LGBT celebrities and community leaders.
Growing Up Trans - Frontline Full Documentary on YouTube
Disclosure - Netflix (2020) This one discusses the representations of trans people in the media and thus contains a lot of disturbing material. It's a good critical look at how our society treats trans people and why, but can be hard to watch.
No Dumb Questions - (2001) 24 min, a short award winning independent film. "These girls love their Uncle Bill. But will they feel the same way when he becomes their new Aunt Barbara?"
Quick Reads
by Gender Spectrum.
The Human Rights Campaign answers common questions about transgender rights.
NYT Opinion Article.
A Human Rights Campaign article that helps discuss how to know if your kid is trans and what to do.
by GLAAD.org
put out by the Trevor Project.
an article with interviews of trans folks discussing the results of a recent poll by the Washington Post and the Kaiser Family Foundation.
"Watching people mourn the loss of you while you are standing right in front of them is a surreal experience that only someone who is transgender can truly understand." A discussion of the grief some family members feel from the perspective of a trans woman.
TYFA Advisory Board Member, Reid Vanderburgh, MA discusses what transition is like for children.
Do you feel like referring to one person as "they" is just a step too far? It turns out we've been doing it all along. (Wikipedia)
Books
Transitions of the Heart A collection of essays by parents of transgender kids with the stories of their journeys.
Trans Forming Families - A collection of short stories by parents, families and friends of transgender people.
The Transgender Teen - A guide for families with tweens-adults.
Becoming Nicole: The Transformation of an American Family - The personal memoir of one individual.
The Transgender Child: A Handbook for Families and Professionals
Once a Girl, Always a Boy: A Family Memoir of a Transgender Journey - The story of Jeremy Ivester and his family.
The Book Nook - Family Equality’s Book Nook, a comprehensive list of the best LGBTQ+ books for the whole family.
Find More Information & Support
The National Center for Transgender Equality, transequality.org
Transgender Map, www.transgendermap.com (It's not an actual map. It's an enormous amount of resources and info!)
Gender Spectrum, www.genderspectrum.org
Gender Diversity, www.genderdiversity.org
Stand with Trans, standwithtrans.org
TransYouth Family Allies, www.imatyfa.org
PFLAG, www.pflag.org
The Human Rights Campaign, www.hrc.org
The Trevor Project, www.thetrevorproject.org
GLAAD, www.glaad.org
Planned Parenthood www.plannedparenthood.org
Family Equality www.familyequality.org
Prounouns.org pronouns.org
Need help right now? TransLifeLine.org